Translation: I am Puerto Rican
My brother called me up a couple of weeks ago to tell me that he is engaged. Awesome! One nice perk is that they've decided to get married in Puerto Rico next June, so that means we'll have a reason to fly there next year.
I always get really psyched whenever I get a chance to go back to the island. It's where I was born and I've spent more than a few summers there while I was growing up. For me, it's a time when I get a chance to visit my relatives and get back to my roots.
One thing that always bugged me while I was growing up was that I never really felt Puerto Rican. The linchpins to my argument were (1) I barely spoke/understood Spanish and (2) I didn't necessarily look Puerto Rican. No matter how much my mother and sister tried to convince me, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was different from other Puerto Ricans. The killer happened about 5 years ago was when my niece said to me "you're not Puerto Rican, you're too white to be Puerto Rican". I was dumbstruck, I couldn't say anything...she hit the nail on the head, it was the fear that I had lived with for all my life; stated out loud, in broad daylight in Durand Eastman park, in a 12-year-old's voice. I was too white to be Puerto Rican.
It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I finally resolved this dilemma. It was my brother's 40th birthday and I decided to fly down so that we could celebrate his birthday together. His favorite place to visit in Puerto Rico is a small town called Boqueron. Boqueron is on the South-West corner of the island, about as far away as you can get from San Juan. As we were driving to Boqueron, I kept hearing a song over and over again on the radio. At first I didn't like it, it was kind of slow and sounded a little sappy to me. I stated this opinion and all hell broke loose in the car. The song was Preciosa by Marc Anthony. This version of the song is basically the unofficial national anthem for Puerto Rico. My brother and sister spent the rest of the drive explaining to me the meaning of the song. As embarrassing as that was, it was one of the first times that someone actually spent some time to explain to me the finer points of my own culture. It's a car ride I'll never forget.
For the rest of the time in Boqueron, I kept hearing the song over and over again wherever I went, you could depend on hearing it at least 2 times a night when out at the bar. As I listened to the song more, I started to catch some more of the lyrics, and get a feeling of what the song meant to me. About halfway through the song, there is a distinct change in the tempo and the beat. I found out later that the original song was written in 1947 by Rafael Hernández and that this extra section at the end was an added update to the song. However, it's this part that spoke to me the most, here is a rough translation of the particular lyrics which really hit me:
Because it's now that I understand
that regardless of what happens
I will always be Puerto Rican
Because wherever I walk
Because I carry it in my blood
Because of my parent's heritage
And with pride I repeat
I love you Puerto Rico
I finally understood. It didn't matter that I hadn't lived in Puerto Rico for most of my life, it didn't matter that I looked white, it didn't matter that I spoke Spanish with an American accent, none of it mattered. There are parts of me that make me different from the people around me in suburbia: I am Puerto Rican and I always have been. The part that floored me was when I realized, specifically because these lyrics had been put into the song, other Puerto Ricans have the same doubts that I do about "feeling Puerto Rican". There are a lot of us who have moved off island, who don't speak Spanish well, whose friends may not even know that they are Puerto Rican. Finally, I'm not the only one.
It's been a couple of years since that epiphany. Whenever I start to get doubts about myself all I have to do is put on this song and sing along as loud as I can. I usually will do this 2 or 3 times in a row. My favorite part is singing the lines "Yo te quiero Puerto Rico". I can't wait to be able to go back and do this with other people.
Here is Preciosa, one of my favorite all-time songs:
Preciosa by Marc Anthony
By the way, part of "going back to my roots" is that I now go by the proper pronunciation of my name. It's Luis as in the name of the city "San Luis Obispo, CA" and not Louis as in "St. Louis".
7 comments:
Thank you for that my Sweet. You and I had that problem for such a long time. Especially growing up. I lost the taste for our culture when both my abuelitos passed, but I have returned with a vengence. I will NOT let my children grow up without knowing that the are Boriqua and Cuban. I am proud! I miss you and hope that we will see each other soon to caught up on our lives.
E
This is a great post. I'm such a mongrel heritage-wise, that it's hard to seize upon one of the five nationalities I could be proud of and really embrace it. How cool that you've been able to connect with your home country.
So help me with the name pronunciation so I don't make a fool of myself when I see you next month.. is it now Loo-ees instead of Loo-iss? I'll probably just call you FuBaar in the end. LOL
See this link for the proper pronunciation.
Luis, I am in tears. I'm so proud of you. I still remember that night when everyone was singing Preciosa in the crowded bar in Boqueron. What a feeling! The day my little brother became Puertorrican! Thank you for writing about your experience. Love Ya,
Lizzie
i happened upon this post (2 years late) while googling information on rosie perez's documentary "yo soy boricua" and just wanted to say that i COMPLETELY identify with idea of the "not feeling puerto rican" .
i grew up in the south bronx most of my life and have always been surrounded by puerto ricans. and because of this, i was always very lazy about learning the culture or even the language. i knew enough spanglish to have conversations with abuela, but thats about all. it never really bothered me then because just living with so many puerto ricans helped me feel rooted in the culture. does that make sense?
fast forward to when i was 22 and decided to move to minneapolis on my own. i remember telling people inwas puerto rican and feeling almost embarrassed about it. not that i was ashamed of my heritage but because a lot of the time i was speaking to people who weren't familiar with puerto ricans (aside from j.lo) and here i am: can't speak the language and "too dark" to look like a "real" puerto rican. i felt so uncomfortable. like i was letting people down and worse - i felt like i was a fraud. how could you be a part of something, but represent so little of it?
a few years after moving here, i went to a benefit concert featuring young acts from throughout the twin cities. i remember crying when a puerto rican flag dropped over the stage from the ceiling and hearing a STRONG female voice sing "PUERRRRRRRRTO RIIIIICCCCOOOO!!!!!". she ran onto the stage and proceeded to perform a set consisting of hip-hop, bomba and reggaeton. i pretty much cried through the whole thing. after feeling ostracized from my culture for so long, it felt like HOME.
that's was about 3 years ago and since then me and the performer, Maria Isa, have become friends and she has introduced me to the puerto rican community in the twin cities. i have begun learning more and more spanish and feel more comfortable speaking it. i have educated myself about our history and have even gotten to visit the town my family comes from (buenos aires, lares).
i had a daughter last year and named her solita after my mother. even though i am dark skin and she has my mothers fair complexion, it means so much to me that now i can tell her, "mama - WE are puerto rican"
Wow, thanks for the comment Jonesy! You must have been really far down in the google search before you found this post!
A couple of weeks ago I found my daughter and son blasting one of my bomba CDs...I can't tell you how proud I was...
Gosh, this post is awesome. :)
I'm half Puerto Rican, and I've had the same problems with not feeling Puerto Rican enough.
I grew up in rural Illinois, but I'm still Puerto Rican no matter how white I may be!
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